Drug of Lurve
by Dark Days
Summary: A game of Truth and Dare between two weirdo fangirls, an 'elaborate plot', a horny Uchiha and a clueless blonde can lead to something very different indeed. More NaruSasu SasuNaru crack! Yay!


A/N: More beloved crack, my darlings. Happy reading. .

Drug of Lurve

"Truth or Dare?" asked Ino, a rather twisted look on her normally pretty face. "Truth or Dare, Sakura?" If Sakura had a Voice of Reason with her, it would be jumping around, screaming for her to run. Run for her miserable little life.

Too bad she didn't. Or maybe too good. Depends on how you look at the situation. To help her along, Inner Sakura popped up on her left shoulder, dressed in a devil costume. And a Voice of Reason! Well, what do you know?!

**Inner Sakura:** If we don't take the Dare, Ino'll think we're scared! After all, Ino's opinion is **_so important. _**Let's show that stupid piglet we can do this!

**Hidden (Tiny) Voice of Reason**: You idiot! What are you doing! Listen, if you start sprinting _now_ you'll be able to find a decent hiding place before she gets you- mmmf mmfnghmfalmjepetto!

**Inner Sakura**: Shut up, you! Come on, Dare Dare Dare Dare- EWWW! You licked my hand you filthy cretin!

Sakura popped them both away with her finger, (Ino thought she was mad at this point) and said very loudly and clearly, "Dare!" Maybe a bit too loudly, the old lady down the street's hearing aid exploded.

"Hehe, Sakura has fallen for my plan! She'll do the best Dare in the whole world, and then everyone will think she's a complete bitch! Muahahahahaha!"

"You do know you said that out loud, don't you?" Sakura rolled her eyes shiftily and coughed a bit. As you do…

"Whoops. Anyway, you still have to do the dare! Muahahahaha-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Fine, Billboard Brow, here's what you have to do!"

And then Ino started whispering (even though nobody else was present) so _nothing could be heard._ Scooby-Snack anyone?

-----------------------------------

Naruto woke up, thinking it was a good day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, woodland creatures were cleaning his house! Okay, maybe not the last one. But still, it was a good day.

And what made it even better was the piping hot bowl of ramen just waiting on his kitchen table! Any _intelligent_ person would evaluate the situation, perhaps test the food for poison using secret spy equipment that every person (cough) possesses in their cupboard… But no, this is Naruto we're talking about. He immediately tucked into the noodles, thanking whatever person had deemed to put it there for him.

What is perhaps the scariest thing, is that he has hoards of angry villagers after him, and he _still_ ate the mysterious offering.

Maybe it was because he knew the Kyuubi would neutralise any harmful substance, but I like to think it was because he was just plain dumb.

On the way to training, Naru-chan began to feel a little weird, a tad funny, a bit strange, a smidgen queer. You get the picture. He simply couldn't fathom why he kept giggling, or why everything was _sparkling_ in such a mesmerising way. Or why he was walking like he was stoned.

¬-¬ Indeed.

Arriving at the training ground took a while, as he kept stumbling and falling over, looking rather like one of those DRUGGED tramps. Funny that.

"Heeeeeey, you guys! Long time no see!" The blonde then proceeded to laugh at nothing for a minute then lie on the grass, pointing at random flying dinosaurs and the like. "Woaaaaah, that one has a tattoo!"

"Do any of you know why the dobe is high?" Sasuke, super-mega-ultra-genius-Uchiha-prodigy-dude sussed out the situation in seconds.

"Uh… of course not, Sasuke-kun, why would you think that? Hehe! Wait, no! This isn't a nervous giggle, of course not! Why, do you think _I _did it? How could you insinuate such a thing! You're all out to get me!"

Sasuke took on a bored expression. "What did you use, Sakura?"

"She used all the colours of the rainbow, Sasu-chan!"

"Shut up, Naruto. It was cannabis, wasn't it? And I thought you couldn't get any worse, Sakura. FOR SHAME!"

Sakura went off crying, she just couldn't handle her darling Sasuke-kun speaking that way to her! She went and took a relaxing bath and accidentally drowned, The End. Sigh. Okay, she didn't drown, but I can let myself think that, can't I? To get me through the day? Please?

"Now, what are we going to do with you?"

Sasuke took a few minutes out of his schedule to laugh an incredibly evil laugh, but it got ruined when he thought of all the things he could possibly do to Naruto and got a nosebleed. Bless 'im.

"Sasu-chan, we can catch a ride on one of those friendly flying dragons and soar off to the mythical castle by the brook over there!"

"Shut up, Naruto."

"A whole new worrrrrrrrrrrrrrld, a hundred thousand things to see! I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far! I can't go back to where I used to be…"

"Every turn a surprise, every moment red letter… Argh, no! NO! That did not just happen! Emergency memory repression, emergency memory repression! Phew…

…Hey dobe, you have a nice voice."

"Thank you, Sasu-chan. I'm getting kinda tired, do you think you can take me to bed?"

Sasuke had another nosebleed at this statement and had to wipe off the blood with a few leaves. Which was highly uncivilised, so he was glad nobody knew of this situation. (Me: Shifty eyes.)

"Kukukuku, of course, my little blondie-kins, of course." He was almost glad Kakashi (two hours late and still early) had made him read that book on Releasing Your Inner Pervert. For 'training'.

And with that, Sasuke picked up Naruto in his arms, bridal style, and carried him off to the Uchiha complex. To a bed. HIS bed.

"There you go, dobe, try and sleep it off so we can have sex later. I mean train! So we can _train _later!"

"Oh, it's okay Sasuke, we can have sex later if you want. After all, I've loved you for years without anybody finding out even though I'm an idiot, and besides you're the sexiest living creature on Earth."

(How's THAT for cliché! HA!)

Sasuke's mouth fell open in shock, but managed to compose himself in a nanosecond, so it didn't really matter in his book. You know the book. 'The Uchiha Book of All Things Uchiha-rific, Uchiha-tastic and Uchiha-tacular'. That one. It clearly stated in Rule 28, Clause 22 that a Uchiha never loses his/her cool for a _second_.

So a nanosecond hardly counted.

It can also be said that none of the rules counted as Rule 1 clearly stated that Uchiha's never murdered each other, and Itachi pretty much knocked that one right out of the stadium.

"Okay then!" And Sasuke proceeded to skip, no, walk with a slight spring, to his living room to play with a Rubix cube 'til Naruto woke up.

Then they fucked like bunnies for the rest of the day and all the night, so everything was right with the world.

-----------------------------------

Ino was devastated (and turned-on although she'd never admit it) when she saw the events through her Sasuke-Cam. A secret CCTV device she rigged while Sasuke was with Orochimaru.

She needed to spill her guts so she went and 'retrieved' Chouji, her biggest friend, in more ways than one, and her secret admirer.

"Sasuke-kun was supposed to hate Naruto for being a moron and eating the clearly suspicious food, and hate Sakura for spiking said food! Then he'd have to go to me for comfort! It was FOOLPROOF!"

"Of course it was Ino, of course it was. Have some sake, to drown your sorrows." 'And mine,' thought the boy-who-ate-a-lot.

2 Hours Later

"I wuv ya, Chouji, I wuv ya to pieshesh, I doesh, hehe… Chouji, you horny bugger! Haha…Mmmmmm, _Chouji_…"

So that turned out just splendid!

And the Kyuubi just sat in his chamber and laughed his ass off at the antics of his host. He _could_ have neutralised the cannabis, just like Naruto thought he would, but decided to set _his_ plan into action to get the boy laid by his 'one true love', _and_ get a decent show for the first time in years.

Which just goes to prove that you can never trust a demon. Duh.

THE END.

A/N: Jesus, that took a while to write, and I think it was absolute crap anyway. Yes, Kyuubi had a part of the plan, and he is damn proud of it too! Now, I'm going to bed, it is one in the morning and I is tired xD. Cookies for reviewers!


End file.
